


Fool's Errand

by softerthanspring



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, spoilers for post time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 02:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20038072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softerthanspring/pseuds/softerthanspring
Summary: Byleth sleeps and dreams.When she wakes up, the world isn’t the same—and neither are the people she once knew.It's hard to accept.





	Fool's Errand

**Author's Note:**

> hi this game devoured my life
> 
> there are spoilers for most of the time-skip!! up until chapter 18 for the blue lions route

Her life was divided into four parts: before and at and after the monastery and while asleep.

Byleth had never had a place she thought of as home before the monastery. Yes, they’d had houses—places they’d stayed, places they’d planned their attacks in—but none of them had ever felt like Garreg Mach. Garreg Mach was more than just a monastery: it was the afternoons spent fishing on the lake, the hours spent elbow-deep in dirt in the greenhouse, the glow of the stained glass windows in the cathedral. It was the long walks spent traversing it from one end to the other. It was her room, with her books and her weapons and a rug so soft she felt like she could sleep on it as well as the bed.

More than any of that, though…it was the people. It had _been _the people. Sylvain, with his stream of pick-up lines; Felix, whose harsh words really reflected his concern; Dedue, whose imposing presence masked his soft heart. Mercedes and Annette, who she’d thought of as the sunshine duo, since they were always smiling, always kind…and Ingrid and Ashe, the chivalrous duo—though Sylvain had protested that it should have been the chivalrous trio, considering his way with women, much to everyone else’s laughter.

And, of course, Dimitri. She shouldn’t have favorites as a teacher, but it was hard when she was only a couple years older than them and when…well…she’d been prone to the same teenage urges as the rest of them. Considering her circumstances, she thought she’d done rather well at keeping it professional. Still, there had been—she thought there’d been—something there. He had brought her to the Goddess Tower, after all. Hadn’t that meant something? Hadn’t all the accidental late night meetings, the walks spent discussing the class missions that perhaps went a little too long, the occasional steadying touch on her elbow, meant something? Or had she made it all up in her head?

The Blue Lions had been her home. Dimitri had been…part of that, and meant something else as well. 

And that was why everything hurt so much now.

Byleth had never been much of a crier, but she found herself getting snot and tears all over her face and sleeves as she tried to muffle her sobs. Goddess, she hadn’t known she could feel so much! Numbness she was familiar with; numbness had been her life up until Sothis and the monastery, and she’d sunk back into it after Jeralt’s death. Numbness would have been bearable. Instead she was left with sadness and anger and weariness, warring within her for dominance.

Tonight sadness had won.

It just didn’t seem fair. All of her students…no, all of her friends had been good people. They didn’t deserve the cards life had dealt them. And, selfishly, it wasn’t fair for her, either, to lose the only thing she’d ever really felt a part of.

_Life’s not fair, kiddo. _Jeralt had said that to her the first time she saw someone dead from starvation. They’d been walking through the streets of a city she could no longer remember the name of, and the man had been lying in the mud. She’d been confused. The other dead men she’d seen had died in battle, or of wounds sustained in it, but this man had no arrows sticking out of him, no festering wounds. He’d only been terribly skinny. Jeralt had ruffled her hair and held her hand and had, later, told her of the many cruelties in the world, and she had absorbed that lesson well.

Up until now, that is. Up until she’d lost something dear to her own heart. She’d never get back those sundrenched, exhilarating days, their innocence and kindness.

She shook her head impatiently. She should stop crying and get some rest before the next day’s troubles. The only path left to her now was the one that went forward.

And yet she would have told her students to take their time, to feel their emotions so they could understand themselves. She’d never realized how hard taking her own advice would be.

Eventually, the tears trickled to a stop.

* * *

Byleth was on the verge of sleep when someone knocked on the door.

“Professor? I…I wanted to see if you’d like to go on a walk.”

She half-hated the way her heart leapt in her chest at the sound of Dimitri’s voice. He seemed committed to his atonement, ever since Rodrigue’s death—but that had only been two weeks ago. She’d always hoped parts of the boy she’d known would resurface, and that was why she’d never stopped trying to reach him, to halt him on his path towards self-destruction. It had seemed like a fool’s errand. As the months had gone by, she’d left Dimitri more and more to his own devices, convinced that his quest for revenge was all that was left to him. It was easier to do that than to be pushed away. Part of her wondered—if she hadn’t ventured onto the field that day, if she hadn’t fallen asleep…Would that have mattered? Would she have been able to help him?

Byleth shook her head. What-ifs didn’t matter.

She walked to the door and opened it.

The moonlight silvered his hair and cast shadows over his face, but he’d always worn his heart on his sleeve. She could read the indecision in his face, the regret, the fear.

“Professor! I thought you might have been asleep at this hour…I hope I didn’t wake you up.” He spoke hesitantly.

“No.” That wasn’t entirely a lie.

“Oh, good, good.”

The silence lingered between them, an almost physical presence, until Dimitri cleared his throat. “I was hoping you’d take a walk with me. I understand if you do not wish to do so—I have not been…I have not been a person worth…”

His brow furrowed as he sought the right words, and Byleth decided to help him. “A person worth taking walks with?”

Dimitri’s mouth quirked into what might have passed for a smile. “No. I have not been a person worth taking walks with.”

She nodded. It was her turn to feel unsure, but he seemed to take her nod as an acceptance and stepped back from the door. He followed her into the dappled shadows of the dormitory’s first floor. In silence, they walked past the rooms of their fellows, and Byleth let her feet decide the path.

They didn’t speak until they were at the greenhouse. Byleth eased the door open and slipped inside. Dimitri didn’t shut it behind him.

There was a bench in the very corner, next to where her roses had grown wild and abundant during her absence. That was where they ended up sitting.

It was strange to be so close after all this time, after all those months of distance. Dimitri had always radiated heat, and even though he sat at the other end of the bench she felt like she could feel it.

Neither of them had said a word yet.

“Professor…” Dimitri finally spoke. He didn’t look at her. “I—I wanted to say I’m sorry. You…you never stopped reaching out for me. I know I have already apologized to you, but it warrants repeating. I do not think there is any way to convey the depth of my emotions to you except through actions.”

“You don’t need to keep apologizing,” she said. “You suffered. All of you had. I won’t excuse or condone your actions, but…I trusted you, before. I believed in you. It’s hard to let go of that sort of belief.”

“I don’t think I deserve that kind of faith,” he murmured, bowing his head. “But I will do what I can to become worthy of it all the same.”

Perhaps it was time she threw him a bone. “I will admit, though…I missed you.”

It was hard to tell in the darkness, but she thought he flushed. “Me? Really?”

“Of course. You were my closest friend.”

“Were,” he echoed, bitterly.

“I—” Her feelings for him had always made her more expressive than usual, and she hoped that as the darkness had disguised his flush it would disguise the widening of her eyes. “I…”

“Do not get me wrong, professor, I truly understand why you would feel that way. I am not angry at you for it. I only wish…” He sighed. “I suppose that that too is part of my atonement. One cannot erase the hurt done to others with one friendly word or kind gesture.”

He seemed so forlorn, so resigned to his fate, that she covered his hand with her own. To her surprise, he wasn’t wearing his gloves—the shock of skin-on-skin certainly made her own face heat up, and she heard him draw in a breath.

“I’m sorry—”

He caught her withdrawing hand with his own. “It’s—fine. No, unless—if you would…not like to…”

His own grip slackened, and she would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation if not for the wild, rabbit-in-a-cage hammering of her heart.

In response, in a sudden fit of daring certainly brought on by exhaustion, she laced their fingers together.

Dimitri’s breath hitched once again. “It’s been so long since someone’s touched me with kindness.”

Her fit of delusion continued. “Dimitri—I…did you…” Her words failed her. “If I had known what would have happened that day five years ago, I wouldn’t have gone on the field. I had never…I had never had a place to call home before the monastery, but in truth the Blue Lions were what made it one. I had never really had friends. If I’d known it meant losing that, I wouldn’t have risked it.”

His thumb stroked hers. “It does gladden me to hear you say that.”

They sat in silence for a little while, their hands still clasped, until Byleth almost felt herself dozing.

“Perhaps it’s best if we both get to bed,” Dimitri said, and gently squeezed her hand before releasing it. “We will both have lots of work to do in the coming days to defeat the Empire.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

The walk back to her room was as silent as the one from it, but far more comfortable, and there was a lightness in her heart that had long been absent. They had suffered many losses. All of them were permanently changed. And yet—she finally believed they were on the path to healing.

“Good night,” she said to him at the door, and she thought she saw a true smile on his face. Once he’d said her own smile was mesmerizing; to see his, after all this time…

“Good night, professor.”

Byleth went to sleep and was untroubled by dreams or nightmares.


End file.
